BY: Dave Cummings—Porn Star/Producer/Director

Sex, Apple Pie, and Holidays

Sex, apple pie, and holidays are traditionally enjoyed by many. OK, so you might not be a fan of apple pie, but I bet you like the idea of holidays, even if you view the holiday as merely a day off of work instead of a day primarily to honor a person or event. Sex between consenting adults is definitely traditional--yes, even if it’s with one’s own fingers/hand as a means of self-pleasure and/or sexual release. Sex is traditional, just like apple pie and the celebration of holidays!

Having recently enjoyed a holiday weekend, some of which was spent with family while some was spent with friends (and my best friend--namely myself and my right hand), I ventured onto the beach areas of San Diego. Yes, for the most part it was the same areas as I mentioned in last month’s column concerning an old fart’s opinion about today’s “mother’s of tomorrow.” I continued to notice the healthy flirting between the young men and women strolling down the boardwalks, in the restaurants, and even in the parking lots; this time, I also was struck by another observation, namely that a LOT of the non-flirting conversations between and among holiday beach-goers was NOT in English but rather seemed to encompass many different languages. Yes, a lot of Spanish language was evident, but so were a LOT of other languages. I understand that some folks were probably visiting tourists, but I sense that a lot of the others were long-term residents of America. Yes, America is great because of a lot of things, including the “melting pot” of past immigrants who have contributed so much to the Country. But, in this day and age of terrorism, I couldn’t help but note that the increase (at least as I’ve personally noticed it in the past few years) in non-English and Spanish language seemed to focus me towards being just a little bit concerned about our borders being too open and our holidays being “days off of work,” instead of patriotic celebrations with innately nationalistic meaning.

Back to sex! Though I didn’t experience actual sex until I was 13 years old (in a very clumsy and uninformed situation with a couple of girls who were my cousins) I did enjoy masturbation before then, even though I didn‘t actually ejaculate cum/sperm/the “seed-of-life” until I was older. That was back in the days when I was attending a Catholic grade school in Saratoga Springs, New York where the nuns ushered us into the weekly confessional. Inside the darkened box sat one of three parish priests who would dole out penances like we were the worst group of 5th grade sinners ever encountered. One priest in particular, Father “B,” would often say that he recognized my sinful voice as he interrupted my recitation with a roar of “And how many times have you spilt the seed of life upon the Earth in the last week?” Of course, he meant jerking off/whacking off/wanking it. One time, he asked me if I was looking at magazines or the Sears-Roebuck Catalog when I was committing these mortal sins. Naturally, when I got home from school that afternoon I immediately went to the Sears Catalog where I happily found that it contained a lingerie section which provided tempting visuals for my masturbatory needs (ironically, I always left the page open showing the Tinker Toys and Erection Kits, just in case Mom noticed too many wrinkles from me using the lingerie pages. Heck, although I often pleasured myself while gazed upon those pages (thus “disqualifying” me from receiving communion while an altar boy serving Mass), my first actual ejaculation happened while jerking off to a lingerie model wearing a padded black bra!!! Father “B” had provided me with one “hell” of a nice lead when he asked about the Sears Catalog! My point here is that masturbation is NOT naughty or sinful, but rather is natural, normal, and healthy. It’s too bad that all the reports of recent years about priests sexually abusing boys couldn’t have been lessened somewhat by the priests jerking themselves off more often.

A few weeks ago I attended the Cybernet Expo in San Diego where a large gathering of adult web site officials provided outstanding seminars, fancy and somewhat sinful parties and events, and lots of fun. For a seminar that Wankus (of ) and I presented about porn filming and business ethics, I unashamedly wore one of my tee shirts that had “Adult Films” in one line, and in the next line---it seemed to entice some webmasters to check out my site! Wankus and I hopefully were simultaneously informative and entertaining in our presentation. The Adult Internet is certainly dynamic and popular throughout the world!

Spent a full day last week filming with Wildlife Productions, this time for “Screw My Wife, Please --Vol 42.” A few weeks previously, we filmed “Screw My Husband, Please--Vol 5.” I always enjoy appearing in these two series; candidly, part of it is because I often get some sexual “action” from the wives, but I also enjoy the banter and efficiency on their sets, not to mention the outstanding catering!

I seem to have used up a lot of my space ranting about holidays and (illegal?) immigration, as well as masturbation, so I guess I should end this month’s column now; but first (I bet you know where this is headed, right?), we’re getting closer and closer to the November elections, so PLEASE register to vote, become informed about incumbents’ records and challengers’ positions, and exercise your right to vote! Hopefully, you’ll vote for issues and people who won’t gut the availability of adult materials--after all, we can’t revert to catalogue pages or newspaper bra ads!

Dave Cummings

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